France
France is a sovereign Republic with most of its territory and population in the crossroads of western Europe and southern Europe. Mainland France and the nearby island of Corsica where Napolean was born is known as Metropolitan France, and the rest scattered around the world, most notably Guyane Française, where they launch their rockets, and Polynésie Française, where they used to set off nuclear bombs before they became as cool as the French are now. France has Democratic Socialism which means it is a happy country like Denmark. Part of the Alps are in France, including the highest point in the range, Mont Blanc. It is a part of the European Union and NATO. Fame France is famous for its food, clothing and hot chicks. It is one of the NATO nations to stick it to The Man by not invading Iraq. France allows certain human rights, such as same-sex marriage and abortion. War Many Americans believe that France is a nation with a poor military history, and that the French are weak and quick to surrender. They seem to forget that France helped them win their war, that France ranked 4th globally in military spending in 2009, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_by_military_expenditures and that Napoleon would most probably disagree with them if they made the point to him. Not to mention the large number of French generals of the past (Charles Martel, De Guesclin, Joan of Arc, Marshal Vauban, Prince Eugene of Savoy, Maurice de Saxe, etc.) who would join in. France is bordered by Belgium, Luxembourg, Germany, Switzerland, Italy, Monaco, Andorra, and Spain. The reason the French are mocked as "surrender monkeys" is because the one time they ever surrendered was during the big war against a great evil and "they have to own up to it". Plus everyone's gonna be mocked for some reason. Civil Rights Before the French Revolution, sodomy and homosexuality were offences punishable by death. After the French Revolution, money and meterosexuality were offences punishable by death, up until about 1850, when the French realised they were running low on people. France has equal rights and equal opportunities for minorities, and discrimination is penalised. In France, intolerance of intolerance is the only intolerance tolerated. Damn Commies. Women France has some very attractive women, maybe it's the berets. Naturally, this prompts French legislature to give equal rights to women. They also have had one of the hottest first ladies on the planet; of whom there are naked pictures of (no seriously). 2008 presidental election According to polls 78% of French people supported Obama and 1% supported McCain, France is awesome!. Stereotypical section French citizens thus enjoy four times more foreign policy experience than Sarah Palin, and thus were all considered better choices for John McCain's 2008 running mate. Unfortunately, when vetted, the French citizens unanimously refused, citing the fact that "whether or not we once surrendered partial sovereignty in war, we have never and will never surrender our principles like you did when you bent over for Jerry Falwell." Warning The two following sections were written by an escapee from the Parisian Military Mental Asylum. Food France is the country responsible for many culinary delights enjoyed around the world such as: French Fries (referred to as "chips" by Brits) French toast, and Chicken Rondelets, which are fried chicken sandwiches that can be improved upon with a touch of mustard and pickle slices as perfected by Chic-Fil-A Sport The French hold a world famous bicycle race called the Tour de France (literally, "the Eiffel Tower"), and have been very upset that an American won the last few races. So they accused him of taking performance-enhancing drugs, which may be true, but they did too! He just took better performance-enhancing drugs than they did, thanks to good old American know-how and great research provided by the baseball industry. People French are often very aggressive, especially compared to people from other countries. Let's compare a Canadian to a French. If you accidentally spill Coca Cola over a Canadian he will apologise to you and buy you a new Coke. If you spill a Coca Cola over a French guy he will punch you in the face, but he won't be really able to do that because anyone with common sense would run away. Foreign Policy Before the Great War, France's No. 1 policy was to get a bash at England, a political game that is still being played today. Since 1066, France has practised its tit-for-tat policy towards the English in every way possible - warfare, diplomacy, trade, fashion and cuisine. If one is observant, he/she will notice that in almost every war in which France is involved, England will always be there - on the opposing side. Only since the Crimean War have the two nations stopped attacking each other, well militarily? For the last few decades, France's official policy was to surrender at the start of a fight. Getting crushed by Nazi Germany in six weeks taught them that the hard way. The French Resistance however kicked up a fight with the occupying Nazis proving that while France was on her knees, the French people were not. Franco-American relations tend to vary at times. During the American Revolution, the French supported the Revolutionaries just because they wanted to harm England's interests. In defense of his decision to sell Louisana to the US, Napoleon I claimed that he was doing so because he wanted a new power to rival the English, not realising the Brits and Yanks will be good friends in the future. In the wake of the Iraq War, France was called every name under the sun by the American press for refusing to participate. Nevertheless, when informed about the replacement of the word 'French' with 'Freedom' in the Congress cafeteria menu, the spokeswoman for the French Embassy in Washington, Nathalie Loisau replied that they (the French) are at a very serious moment and they are not focusing on the name they (the Americans) give to potatoes. Recently, the French got their own back by being the only major Western nation to jump into the Mali conflict. And they are seriously doing a better job than what Bush did in Iraq. Instead of dragging the big guns, they issued a call to arms to Mali's neighbours instead (probably by pointing out to their leaders that having an Afghanistan on their doorstep is not much of a great idea to stay in power) which received a generally good response. This move is pretty clever and decisive since the African troops are more aware of local culture and thus, avoid doing pretty incendiary actions. In the meantime, the French are quite pleased to see that someone else (other than themselves) is crying out "Vive la France!". However, the French are having a terrorist red alert, and they have good reason too. The Islamist terrorists in Mali have sworn revenge after the French army chased them into the mountains and on the 23rd of April, 2013. The French Embassy in Tripoli, Libya, was bombed, injuring two guards. The French have picked up some anti-terrorist tips from the Yanks, Brits, Spaniards and some others though. Overseas Oddities Unlike the UK and most European countries, France still has a large number of what might be called "colonies" overseas. However, unlike the remaining British Overseas Territories, which are largely independent neglected, French territories are regarded as integral parts of the republic, and vote in French national elections. There are two main categories, Overseas Departments, and Overseas Collectivities. The latter are more autonomous, and usually outside the EU. The former are essentially just normal French regions that happen to be a very long way from Paris. The OD of Guyane is the largest by a long shot, and also contains the only Amazonian Rainforest in the EU. The status of New Caledonia has been problematic, with a strong local independence movement which launched a bombing and terror campaign during the 80s against the local government. As a result New Caledonia now has a symbolic special status of "Overseas Country Within the Republic" and a greater degree of autonomy. A referendum on independence has also been promised, and is scheduled to take place in the next few years. French Polynesia, despite having had whole islands blown up with nuclear weapons by the French military (that's some riot control you got there, dude...) has a surprisingly weak independence movement, largely because the region is highly dependent on central government support. References Category:Geography Category:Countries Category:Europe Category:Things That Are Awesome Category:Sovereign Nations Category:Liberal nations Category:Western Europe Category:European Union Category:Democracies Category:Secular nations Category:Southern Europe Category:Nations Where Gays Can Marry Category:Things Liberals love Category:Social democrats Category:Things Sarah Palin Will Never Know Category:First World